Pregnant Elephants and Thank-you cards

One year.

I read somewhere that it is socially acceptable to mail out wedding "thank-you" cards within one year of the wedding...

12 months.

I'm sorry but that is ridiculous and I am more than positive that a lazy man with a proclivity for tardiness came up with this brilliant idea. He spouted it around his unmarried friends with great confidence while serving them fried foods and alcohol. In their happy, drunken state they were easily convinced so they told their friends. This idea then started circulating around the wedding blogosphere and within a few months this ludicrous practice became "socially acceptable".

Things that take too long to happen...
           -Vanilla extract to ferment (is that the right term?) = 2 months
                -Manatees to fully gestate = 13 months and elephants  for, a faint-inducing, 22 months

                       -James David "yes I used his middle name on purpose" Hoskins to partially complete 35 pre-organized "thank you" postcards = 6 months

                  

The plan I devised was simple..."I write to my folks and you write to yours. Finish at least one each day and we can get this done in a truly socially acceptable time-frame...friends feel appreciated and the wedding event is officially a wrap." 

Kinks in my plan: It was my plan and not our plan (like that really matters)

         To-do lists and phrases including the word "wedding" are forbidden immediately upon return from the honeymoon. Utterances of either turns you into the Charlie Brown school teacher.

I sent out all of my people's thank-you's on time avoiding embarrassment and shame.  James' pile was sad from neglect and gray with dust.  My plan was disintegrating after 4 months. I had to regroup and pull out the big guns.

Guilt-trip...it never fails. I called mom and pre-vented to release what could be toxic steam. She chuckled at me, knowingly and said, "Uh yeah, let me know how that goes." 

James would return from a very long day at work to find me surrounded by his cards. It didn't end there. I wouldn't frown or fret. No. I had a smile in voice as I asked him about his day. 

When he saw me with those cards his shoulders dropped and he turned toward our room as he mumbled, "I'm sorry, baby...I let you down."

Aha!

Wait...That felt horrible. 

Abort! Abort!

Guilt trips are for mean girls, manipulative lovers, and lazy parents who lack self-confidence, not for us.

Marital tet-a-tet's occur over the most inconspicuous things like budgeting and home decor and making the bed in morning and guacamole (I'll explain in another post)  and thank you cards. This talk lasted two hours...two very necessary calm, loving, guilt-free hours where James, under no duress, agreed to conquer his pile and I agreed to trust him and relax a little.

One week later the pile, still sad and dusty, taunted me and whispered lies to me about my husband.

But I love my husband and I'm discovering that marriage is definitely not 50/50. Teamwork isn't always the answer and he is not the guy who is squealing with glee over the chance to help with thank-you cards...not sure that I would want the squealing type anyways. Sometimes he'll do more than his fair share and most of the time I'll do more (let's be honest)....(love you, baby)

"James, dear, do you want me to finish the pile?...just tell me and I won't be mad..."

He did five. I did thirty...more...of his. And it only took six months.

apparently still acceptable and

We are still doing better than the elephant.