With Eager Anticipation

So, sometimes you start again without explanation because there is no other way to begin. Here we are, fingertips becoming reacquainted with keys and mind with heart in the most natural form of expression I know. I have so many words. I know that my daughter earned it honest as each of her stories wildly weaves into another from sun-up to sun-down.  I used to do the same thing. My conversations are long windy roads rather than short thrilling trips. I pick right up where I left of with the ones I love the most and travel a few miles more with them each time we talk. This time I get to pick up with myself. It's like I hung up with Mo, new, exhausted, frenzied mom of 3 years ago (or at least put her on hold) and now I'm all, "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"God, I wear a pull-up. Does you wear a pull-up?" was the question Madeline posed during our time of evening family devotion. She and Myka are learning the discipline of patient expectation in the presence of God. James and I read through a Bible story, have them recite a memory verse and then we ask them to offer up prayer requests, personal or for family and friends at preschool. These times, though, a bit disjointed, are precious to me. My Type-A personality demands perfection and maturity from my children while my less neurotic Type-B side is mindful of the presence of toddlers and open to the chaos of it all. In the span of a 30 minutes of devotion fifteen minutes are spent repeating, "sit here", "say this", "shhhhh, I said, shhhhh" which is why I am in awe of how my children embrace the practice of waiting on God to speak. James said, "Ask God something you don't already know" and Madeline submitted her boxer-or-brief inquiry to God concerning pull-ups. James and I covered our mouths and chuckled and the four of us waited with baited breath for God to reply. Ok, maybe the girls were more expectant than James and I who were very amused and curious.

I watched Madeline, laying on her belly, chin in her hands, big brown eager eyes glancing upwards and around the room. She is confident that He is listening. She is ready to hear Him. The first time we attempted this Madeline whispered to herself, "ooooohhhh, I wonder what He is going to say!" It was like she was waiting for Christmas morning to dawn. "What did He say, baby?", I ask. She whispers, "Shhhhh, He hasn't answered yet, mama. Myka is quiet too, as her sister has requested. We sat there, the four of us, on my bed for 15 minutes listening for God to speak to His tiny servant. We sat in uncoerced silence. Madeline took the reigns out of my hands and was leading us to simply wait without anxiety or assumption. I suppose that Madeline listens because she is aware of His presence in a matter-of-fact way with which I have lost touch. Family devotion is more than a schedule of reading, reciting and praying it is a shared time of BEING with God who is just as tangibly present as the rest of team Hoskins. He IS a part of our family. He IS in the room waiting to be acknowledged and she is willing to yield to Him. Silence was broken when Madeline announced that He does, indeed, wear pull-ups. Who knew?

Beyond pull-ups, I have learned a few things about God because Madeline is willing to wait for Him. I learned that His voice is "power" not powerful but that is power itself, according to my sweet girl. I also learned that when she prays for healing of her sick tummy or stuffy nose He tells her that He is going to give it to her. In my austere spirituality I won't even give God 15 seconds to answer me. A minister once preached that we have two-week (not weak) faith because we only give God two weeks to answer us before we abandon Him. Madeline is teaching me how to strengthen my faith and approach His throne with confidence. She is showing me the miraculous gift of eager wonder. He will come, He is here and He WILL answer.