Repeat After Me...

I talk to mom a lot these days and her pain is definitely my gain...My dad is an angel, but let's be real. They both did their fair share or pouting and growing up over the past 43+ years. When people notice the glimmer in my dad's eye and the pep in mom's step when she is with her man they nudge their spouse for some reciprocity and tell mom she's got it easy and couldn't possibly understand....Her response: "I have the marriage I have because of prayer. And I prayed because I HAD too." Guess who is not about to just figure things out on my own...This chick here. There is no shame in my game so I ask questions and sunbath in wisdom.

Here is what I love about Mattie Criddell:
1. She is completely disarming because of her honesty and transparency.
2. She honors my father by not sharing it all for the sake of bonding with her newlywed babygirl.
3. She TELLS me NOT to tell her everything because our business is not her business and she will always be inclined to take my side.
4. She doesn't always take my side. (That makes James a happy hubby.)

It's funny, a part of me doesn't want to continue to nitty-gritty of this post because it will reveal some of my mess. After all, you clean up before you invite company over, right? We, married and single alike, are under this ridiculous delusion that if every day isn't smiles, smooches and sweet-nothings then we are doing something terribly wrong. So we hide, pretend and make sure our blogs are Disney approved. We gossip about those we have vowed our lives to in some kind of passive-aggressive attempt at a plea for help or just advice. The truth of the matter is this relationship is a full-speed-ahead transformational journey where we find ourselves shredded of self-aggrandizement and righteousness and looking, acting and talking like Christ...our core, our rock, our true essence.

That is NOT a clean process, there may be wreckage and there SHOULD be carnage as we die to self...and self won't go down without a fight.

Walk into any marital living room and you will find stains of offense on the carpet under the rug, the dust of selfishness that has settled on everything, and a looming stench of pride, thick in the air, because someone forgot to take out old trash.

Thank God for Jesus and His place in marriage....He holds alllllllllll things together....He redeems the mess....He speaks through really good moms who care enough to tell it like it T. I. tis!

I talked to mom about an argument one of my friends had with her husband....small, laughable and resolved but an argument nonetheless (and it's the small ones that catch you off-guard)...and it really was a friend.

On not letting the sun go down on your anger, mom said this in her black-mama, "honey chile" voice,
and I quote,

"The wedding is so nice because someone gives you the words to say and you repeat it and then you smile and say, 'Oh, look what we just did!' But in the marriage no one is around to say, Repeat after me except for Jesus and if you don't say what he tells you to say you'll be in biiiiiig trouble."

I love that woman.

I'm sorry...I love you (feeling pissy)...I was wrong...You were right...Let's start over...

Not as fun to say as, "I, ___________ take thee, __________to be my lawfully wedded...." but they sure do clean up the mess. Like bleach and apple cider, Like a Brillo pad on old grease.

Everyday I am learning to pause, pray and repeat what the Lord says to say (or do). I'm new to this so my first reaction is usually visceral and very wrong. Mom also reminded me that marriage is spiritual warfare...Lemme break it on down. Satan, the enemy, attacks marriages. He wants us to take a stance in our right to be offended. He wants us to wake up with calloused hearts because anger was our bedfellow. But God is in our marriage and on our side.

Whatever YOU want to do, don't. Whatever YOU want to say, wait....How are you to humble yourself, stay in your lane and look like Him? What is Christ asking of you?

He is speaking...

Repeat after Him...