A Rag Doll in the mouth of a Pitbull

That's me. The fro-ed out looking Annie doll lying, doe-eyed under the snoozing pooch. This is my life. Daily. 

Now I have my moments when my countenance is downcast and my mood is quiet unsavory. I can be stubborn, bossy, and downright mean. Sometimes I just cannot be pleased leaving James walking on eggshells trying desperately to offer up various forms of entertainment and compassion. However, I am convinced that James dislikes it most when I am trying to relax...alone.

I am not really into video games. James like the quest-filled adventures of Skyrim and the like where you walk and pick things up and talk to old sages in cloaks. I am a fan of a good throw-down by way of Mortal Kombat or Injustice, but video games just aren't my thing. Let me whip some virtual tail and be done with it after 3 rounds.  Our personalities are unswerving even in video games.  James likes a good full story with layer after layer of historical significance. I just want to get on with it already and move on to the next thing.  I 'd rather read a book, quickly.

Given the same long day for both of us, James will come in and unwind with controller in hand. I, on the other hand, grab a book and a pillow. And that is ok with me. Different folks. Different strokes.

That's not where this story ends though...there is another layer. Remember, sometimes when you are married you'd rather be alone but with your spouse. Because alone doesn't necessarily mean alone. It means something different. It is hard to articulate through a blog and it was a reprehensible notion for me as a unmarried but very much in love woman just three months ago. Because married means round the clock, there ain't no better thing on earth than, togetherness...right?

Two of my dear friends from undergrad joined in wedded bliss when I was 22 (I'll call them J&T). I visited their one bedroom apartment in Nacogdoches some months after nuptials were exchanged and conducted the inevitable post-wedding inquisition of single-hood curiosity....

"How are things going?" (and if it is hard, who would really be honest anyway?)..."Did you get everything you registered for?"..."How was the honeymoon?" (none of my business) 

I don't remember the answers to those questions but after 10 years I remember J's response when I posed this question..."What has surprised you the most about marriage."

She said, "It's ok if we watch T.V. in separate rooms if we don't want to watch the same thing."

Not what you were expecting? I have kept that in my back pocket since 2003. I have taken it out and turned it 'round and 'round in my hand understanding more and more why this this is not a sign of a decaying relationship.  Rather it is a sweet and honest reflection on real love.

So, it's ok if we are doing different things in different rooms in this place we share but for us that separation can't last too long. Just when I think James is all settled in, fully enthralled by sharks on National Geographic or striving for a new trophy on some game, that's when he shows up bright eye-ed and curious at the threshold of our bedroom. Finding me completely relaxed and at peace with a book in my hand he says, "What are you doing, baby?" (insert a tail wag or two) I know what's coming next. Before I can respond he is on the bed with me playfully wrestling around like a Pitbull with it's favorite rag-doll. This lasts for minutes. We laugh and tease each other. We are like two mischievous children just before nap time. My book is a weak opponent to the will of James who wants to play. And just as quickly as it begins it ends...James's head is in my lap...he naps... and I can't reach my book...I love it and I feel so loved.

See that raggedy doll and snoozing pooch above...that's James and I and we'd rather be left alone.