We are turning into each other, James and I...black and white make gray and there are sooooo many gray areas in our colorful interracial confabulations. Race just wasn't a constant area of contention as we grew as friends and fell in love; not by happenstance but with great intention. LISTEN & LEARN don't feel the need to TEACH or as my mom would say, "just shut up". We are not offensive or crude but we definitely are not very PC around each other. Ain't nobody got time for that (seriously). We tease and are honest about some of our misconceptions. Common convo's in our home start with, "Ok, don't be offended but do black/white folks really...?" Outsiders beware, it's hard to understand.
Hot Buttons...push with caution and forethought
Race and politics ~ seriously when is that ever a fun discussion?In the beginning we chose to stay away from certain issues until our love and respect had matured and now such things are not a big deal at all. We fought about Obama a few times...yup Obama (yes, for obvious reasons)...He has absolutely nada to do with this relationship but he sure came up a lot. If Barack and Michelle aren't up until 2 a.m. clawing over our policies and ethics then we shouldn't be up over theirs. We decided to be more politically aware together and allow space for our mutual racial backgrounds to inform our perspective. Ok...and people, this actually worked! We are far from being politically-minded but now we can at least have a conjecture-free convo.
Slavery ~ slavery and discrimination, puts you in a cuddling mood, right? This may sound silly but all true. I had to remind myself that I have never been called the "n" word or been directly blatantly discriminated against (through I am sure its happened more de facto than I'll ever know). Also, I had to keep in mind that James, though white, never owned a plantation since he was born in 1981 and all, hello. Can I mention that it is hard to explain discrimination & white privilege when I grew up in Wimbledon Estates, have a Master's from Baylor U and I worked as a chaplain there for 3 years?
We would get heated because I needed to memorialize the oppression of all my people and James needed to break the oppressive generalizations of his. I was amazed at how quickly these latent emotions would surface.
My advice for other mixed-up folks: get some mixed-up friends. They will keep you laughing at what may initially offend you. Next bit of advice: relax and be patient.
When Moody, TX met Houston, TX a myriad of hilarity began. James has gone from "Hank Hill" to "Cleveland Brown" in the course of one year (those are cartoons). He now knows more gospel and gospel rap than I do; no lie. I listen to Waco 100 *(country hits) every morning...music has been magical in drawing us closer. He sometimes will learn to play R&B songs on his guitar or even his banjo (you heard me right).
I think God delights in diversity, not division but diversity. James and I saw, early on, the blessing and tangible example of reconciliation in our relationship...and Boyz II Men doesn't sound half bad on the banjo.
Mo, do remember what your reminded me of when you first met and fell in love with James? You reminded me of the day when I predicted to each of my children who they would marry - my prediction for you was you would marry a white man. You responded quietly to yourself "why me".
ReplyDeleteWell as preachers will sometimes remind us of God's purpose in our lives by saying "why not you?!" As you descibe your journey with James the answer to this question is very obvious. You two were made for each other - why not you in a mix-up? Who could handle it better than you and James?